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Sunday Sauce: An Awkward Morning Is Better Than A Boring Night

An Awkward Morning is Better Than a Boring Night

(The Trumpets Are The Morning Farts)

By: Michael Barone

Intense nonsense numbing my senses insane.

Inevitable marches feeling the same.

Intoxicating toxins filling my brain.

Intellectually speaking aint part of my game.

I came,

I saw,

I came too quick.

Call me Quick Draw McGraw,

Using a stick.

Silent snoring satisfaction,

Relaxes the thoughts.

Thoughts become, “I just forgots.”

Tomorrow they’ll be, “I shit you nots.”

The trumpets roar in the morning,

Releasing nonvocal opportunists who speak loud and clear.

Proudly, a sniff examines exactly what is happening here.

Clearing sinuses

Minus the fears.

Obviously this

Is the left over beers.

Cheers to both.

I’m gonna keep this close.

Anxiously awaiting that second dose.

I blindly examine my prize with satisfaction-

Rationally, reacting passionately.

I selfishly keep my prize that still hovers-


Tucked away safely

Underneath the covers.




That last one woke her up.

What’s her name?

This is just awkward.

“Yea I’ll get your number.”

“I’ll call you sometime.”

Some time.

Line after line after line after line.

Now it’s about that time

For that one last hug,

Giving myself one last chance

To lie like a rug.



Why is this awkward moment still alive?

“Your car is downtown?

And I need to drive?”

How could I have forgot?

Forgetting that when I’m drunk I make promises a lot.

I’d rather be giving myself a tetanus shot.

“You thought I was gonna drive you?

I’m all out of gas.”

Sounding like an ass with this story that I’m trying to pass.

(I laughed)

(I sighed)

(I cried)

(I squinted my eyes with pride)

(I pried my manners into her ass)

Harassing myself.

“Go get my keys,

They’re on the top shelf.”

Loud volume nobly taking a stance,

As my sunglasses protect every painful glance.

Every chance I get,

I look the other way.

Trying to figure out at least one word to say,

As we stop.

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